put this one on my facebook and forgot to put it on here...

so first of all, i find it odd that i'm writing after i just finished writing a 20 page summery of a class i was in this spring. i'll warn you, my brain is a little fried at the moment and sometimes i think i'm making sense, but really, i've just spoken fluent jibberish to you.

though i'm worn out from writing the paper, i'm thankful i wrote it. it was worth it for me to realize one thing..............

but first, let me back track to Passion Conference 08'. i went going with the mindset that i felt lost and just wanted some direction in my life. i know God has called me to be in ministry in some way shape or form, but i'm not sure how. so after it was all said and done... all i knew was that God had heard my cry. when we had gotten home, i began talking with some of my close girlfriends about just things... life stuff... God, our passions, etc. we all came down to one conclusion, and that was that there must be more to life than this. we all felt a huge calling into ministry but had no idea where to go. we were getting antsy and just ready to leave. though i'm sure our age and just the stage that we are in our lives does help the antsyness of wanting to get out. 

fast forward

still feeling lost and unsure where to go, but knowing that God was calling. i sat to write this long paper about the problem of evil in our world, as i drew to the conclusion, it hit me. it's no wonder we have this feeling of "there's got to be more than this!" C.S. Lewis said it best, he basically said that though God made us for this world, we are not to stay here. it is in our heart of hearts that we truly desire heaven and to be close to God, but this world is just what it is, and we are not ready for Him. so it only makes sense that we (my girlfriends and i) are feeling so utterly frustrated... we've all grown close to God and now all we desire is more of Him! more of heaven! more purity! it's no surprise that we've grown exhausted with our world and our generation!

i summed up my paper saying this:

So when everything is said in done, how can we sum all this up? God truly is as he says he is. Perfectly all-good, all-loving, all-wise, even though at first glance it seems to contradict the very world he created. It seems that sometimes we try to make God make sense to us, when God is just too complex for us to wrap our minds around. Try as we may, we will never understand God. Because if we can understand him, he is just like us. Never-the-less, despite the contradictions in our minds, it all makes perfect sense once examined a little closer. So then if God is all that he claims, then we need not worry. That’s truly what it all comes down to, it’s that we are worried. Because we can’t seem to see the end result of it all, we freak out and question everything we know, even God. there was once a story told about a father who took his child to the zoo. As they went on the safari tour, the tour guide explained to them that when animals are in a group, each group has its own name. For example, lions are called a pride, cows are called a herd, fish are called a school, birds are called a flock, but the one, he said, that most stuck out to him where the rhinos. Rhinos are called a crash when they are in a group (which is rare in the first place, since rhinos are solitary animals). The reason they are called a crash is because first of all, they can run up to 30 mph, which may not seem like a lot, but when compared to a squirrel who can run a mere 25 mph, we realize just how fast that is for a rhino. Secondly, they can only see 30 feet in front of them, they have no idea what is at 31 feet. But without question, they run. Isn’t this how Christian’s should be living their lives? Not questioning what’s at “31 feet?” But knowing that if this is the direction we are to run, we run as hard and as fast as we can. God says in Matthew, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”

i didn't expect finding clarity in a 20 page paper of doom, but surprisingly enough i did.