ok so i REALLY should be in bed... oh wait i am... ok so i really should be in bed ASLEEP. but i've got so much to write. i'm so excited! i'm so proud of myself! tonight at Deepening (a bible study i go to), Ben Byxbe challenged us to go out and start telling more people about Jesus Christ. no matter where we are. if we have the opportunity, we need to act on it. well, my good friend Joey decided he wanted to act on it right away. so Joey, Cora, and i went to waffle house and just sat there for a lil bit enjoying our food and talking and listening to the two dollars and fiftyish cents worth of music we had payed for on the juke box. well, let me back up a lil bit... stuff like this, this whole preaching God's word on a whim... not having any previous relationship with the person, not really having much time to think about what to say... yeah those kind of situations scare the CRAP out of me. tonight i cried/prayed God would help me. i wanted to be brave, i wanted to tell others about Him... i just didn't know what to say. it was something for so long i'd avoided and could no longer handle the conviction of Christ telling me to go and tell others about Him. so as we all sat there, i saw my chance, and i went for it. i asked the guy who cooked there, Stephen, if he knew Jesus Christ. i felt like the biggest freaking loser ever! i felt like one of those Jesus freaks that people avoid cause they scare people away from Christianity. but to my amazement, he responded in the best way ever! he just totally took the question and went with it! i came to find out he was a christian and he actually was searching for a new church! so we were able to invite him to our church!! we were STOKED! we all had a chance to talk to him some about Christ and our church and just that whole relationship with God. well we finished our food stuffs and left feeling completely encuoraged. as cora and i drove down the highway i couldn't help but wonder, "what about Faith? was she saved?" (the lil ol' lady who'd been working there since 1973) "and what about Roxanne?! does she know about God?!" (the younger waitress). i talked to cora about it and i just couldn't keep going, i had to go back... and Cora was more than eager to go with me :-D so we did... and to our joy they both knew God. i think out of all of them, roxanne had it figured out the best. but to us, it sounded like all of them just felt like Christianity had to do with going to church and acting like a good christian.
DANG! i just realized we didn't invite roxanne to church with us! maaaannnn... shoot. i'm going to have to go back now...
so wow... what a night! cora and i finally went back home feeling completely encouraged and refreshed and eager to tell more people about Christ! we sang worship songs and prayed the whole way home :)
i'm so proud of myself. i didn't know i had the courage to do that kind of stuff! GOD THANK YOU!!!!!!
"Isn't it ironic that the one thing man searches to find the answers to most in life (God), is the one thing man is most scared to ask questions about?"
- deep thought of the day, by Kendall Winter :)
DANG! i just realized we didn't invite roxanne to church with us! maaaannnn... shoot. i'm going to have to go back now...
so wow... what a night! cora and i finally went back home feeling completely encouraged and refreshed and eager to tell more people about Christ! we sang worship songs and prayed the whole way home :)
i'm so proud of myself. i didn't know i had the courage to do that kind of stuff! GOD THANK YOU!!!!!!
"Isn't it ironic that the one thing man searches to find the answers to most in life (God), is the one thing man is most scared to ask questions about?"
- deep thought of the day, by Kendall Winter :)
home home home
so i'm back at school/home. it's good to be back. i quickly realized why i love this place so much :) the people here are just so amazing. i love my room mate to death. we pray together almost every night and that helps me a lot. sometimes i forget to merely spend even just a few minutes with Christ... it's good to just have that time to sit and unwind. we try and keep eachother accountable on homework and other things we know we're struggling with. we really get along great and just have a blast together :)
i was asked to be in a "refocus" peice for chapel... "refocus" is a short movie that they play in chapel that are just kind of like thought provocers (sp?!!?)... i won't say what it is about... not really even sure if i am at liberty to do so! haha... but none-the-less, i'm super excited about being in it for 2 reasons: 1. i love acting and 2. the concept behind it actually hits pretty darn close to home for me.
i feel like i've grown up a lot recently. infact... i don't even feel like the old person i used to be. it's insane to see how much i've changed just in this past year. i like me. no, i love the new me! God has def. done some MAJOR work in my life and transformed me. i am excited to see what else God has in store for me! i'm content with where i am. i mean sure, there are some things i'd love to improve in my life, but who doesn't have their down-falls? i guess it's that i'm content with my mind set.
ok well, time to get to bed so i can manage to actually wake up for my 8 o'clock class tomorrow (BLEGH!). last time i didn't even hear my alarm.
ready and waiting,
Kendall
~matthew 28:19~
i was asked to be in a "refocus" peice for chapel... "refocus" is a short movie that they play in chapel that are just kind of like thought provocers (sp?!!?)... i won't say what it is about... not really even sure if i am at liberty to do so! haha... but none-the-less, i'm super excited about being in it for 2 reasons: 1. i love acting and 2. the concept behind it actually hits pretty darn close to home for me.
i feel like i've grown up a lot recently. infact... i don't even feel like the old person i used to be. it's insane to see how much i've changed just in this past year. i like me. no, i love the new me! God has def. done some MAJOR work in my life and transformed me. i am excited to see what else God has in store for me! i'm content with where i am. i mean sure, there are some things i'd love to improve in my life, but who doesn't have their down-falls? i guess it's that i'm content with my mind set.
ok well, time to get to bed so i can manage to actually wake up for my 8 o'clock class tomorrow (BLEGH!). last time i didn't even hear my alarm.
ready and waiting,
Kendall
~matthew 28:19~
slightly depressed
so it's been GREAT being home, but it's been hard too. once all the weird tension between my parents and i went away i REALLY started missing them. i miss my sister and brother a LOT too. and my church... and my friends... :-/
BUT! to be optimistic (sp?) IT'S FALL!!!! it's fall it's fall it's fall! my freakin' all time fav. season of the year! i love scarves and hoodies and jeans and sneakers and fun socks and cute fall clothes! i love being able to see my breath, i love jumping in leaves! i love clear fall nights where the stars shine brightly! i like sitting outside with a cup of coffee early in the morning and watching the steam rise and just taking deep breathes. this is perfect date weather... dang... now if i could only get asked out on a date... good thing i look exceptionally cute in the fall. pfff :-p i'm a dork.
aaaannnnyyyywwaaayyyssssss...........
hopefully tomorrow i will get some homework done.
now... on to a new post.
i shall title this "rant/confession"
today/yesterday i realized something. women are showing off waaay too much of their skin now-a-days. i was going through my friends on myspace and saw this girl who i believe is a freshman in highschool. well... her main pic was not the best to say the least. i guess it just saddened me. i realized that she was so lost. so confused. then that sadness turned to a bit of frustration! i was like "HEY! stop speaking on behalf of us women and make it look like we all dress like whores!" well... it was something to that affect. none-the-less, i just got irritated. i try so hard to dress modestly, and even when i know i'm wearing something low cut, i try not to show anything. so when i see someone like her dressing the way she does, i feel like she's giving girls a bad name... like "girls are just play things." and we aren't. this whole thing led to a long serious of thoughts. my next thought was, "what if men have become desinsatized to a womans body?" "what does that mean for me? do i have to dress this way to attract the opposite sex?" then i quickly realized how much of this whole "dress like a whore" "sex sells" type of life is smothering the media. then i was like "OH MY GOSH! kids are buying this type of stuff!!!" i'm disgusted at this world. i hate it. i hate feeling like if i'm not a size freaking 0 i'm fat. i hate feeling like i should be taller, that i should wear less clothing, that i should wear a certain type of clothing....... i am i human being. i was made by the creater of the universe. he made me unique, unlike any other person. i will not take that for granted... i will be thankful. i will take care of His creation the best i can, and i will let NO one tell me that i am anything less than precious because i know God thinks i am... if He didn't, His son would not have had to die on the cross.
time for the confession...
i'm obsessed. no not with coffee... but with finding a boyfriend. i'm not going to try and hide it and lie anymore. it's true. ever since i was little i can remember just crushing on so many boys and fantasizing (sp?) about getting married. it wasn't until the day before my 15th b'day that i had my first boyfriend. this boyfriend chose to call me fat. and ever since then, i've been searching for a boyfriend who truly treasured me. i went from boy to boy to boy (5 to be exact) searching for that one. boy #1 called me fat. boy #2 said i was immature and used me as a distraction from the girl he really liked. boy #3 lied to me and showed me off like a trophy. boy #4 was obsessed with my body and wanted nothing more than a physical relationship and used good lines to draw me in. and finally boy #5 talked me up into believing this was going to FINALLY be an amazing relationship, only to break up with me 2 days after we became boyfriend/girlfriend (he had good reasons for breaking up, and i'm not going to hold any of this against him... but i can't say that it didn't really hurt me). so here i am, single, and wondering why on earth i'm so bound and determined to be with someone. after soccer tonight i went running (didn't run alot at soccer), i ran only a lil bit then just started walking and listening to music. i kept thinking about the guy i am crushing on. then, it just kinda hit me... i'm obsessed. once i like a guy, i can't get him out of my mind... not unless another boy grabs my attention....... *sigh* i'm pathetic. i'm stuck. i'm hopelessly chasing after something that i'm not sure i will find. what if the fulfillment and happiness i think i will find in a boyfriend, isn't really there? i found myself sitting in a shadow crying. "God why can't i do it? why can't i be content in you? why can't i find my fulfilment in you? i try Lord, but i some how always find myself back here... God i don't want to give up, but i'm at my whits end and i'm sick of fighting. i just want to find my joy in you" i wish we could still talk to God like adam and eve used to. i wish to sit and talk to him and hear his voice. i feel like when i God talks to me through other things, i'm only getting second best. i'm not gonna lie. i feel gipped. i'm like "Come on God! i know you're there! so why don't you just talk to me!? i mean seriously! why must you make things confusing by talking through others/things??"
*sigh* i know i will never fully understand God... and quite frankly, that is what makes him God. and i'm ok with that...
so if you read all of this, thank you. you're a good friend :) now i just ask that you pray for me.
BUT! to be optimistic (sp?) IT'S FALL!!!! it's fall it's fall it's fall! my freakin' all time fav. season of the year! i love scarves and hoodies and jeans and sneakers and fun socks and cute fall clothes! i love being able to see my breath, i love jumping in leaves! i love clear fall nights where the stars shine brightly! i like sitting outside with a cup of coffee early in the morning and watching the steam rise and just taking deep breathes. this is perfect date weather... dang... now if i could only get asked out on a date... good thing i look exceptionally cute in the fall. pfff :-p i'm a dork.
aaaannnnyyyywwaaayyyssssss...........
hopefully tomorrow i will get some homework done.
now... on to a new post.
i shall title this "rant/confession"
today/yesterday i realized something. women are showing off waaay too much of their skin now-a-days. i was going through my friends on myspace and saw this girl who i believe is a freshman in highschool. well... her main pic was not the best to say the least. i guess it just saddened me. i realized that she was so lost. so confused. then that sadness turned to a bit of frustration! i was like "HEY! stop speaking on behalf of us women and make it look like we all dress like whores!" well... it was something to that affect. none-the-less, i just got irritated. i try so hard to dress modestly, and even when i know i'm wearing something low cut, i try not to show anything. so when i see someone like her dressing the way she does, i feel like she's giving girls a bad name... like "girls are just play things." and we aren't. this whole thing led to a long serious of thoughts. my next thought was, "what if men have become desinsatized to a womans body?" "what does that mean for me? do i have to dress this way to attract the opposite sex?" then i quickly realized how much of this whole "dress like a whore" "sex sells" type of life is smothering the media. then i was like "OH MY GOSH! kids are buying this type of stuff!!!" i'm disgusted at this world. i hate it. i hate feeling like if i'm not a size freaking 0 i'm fat. i hate feeling like i should be taller, that i should wear less clothing, that i should wear a certain type of clothing....... i am i human being. i was made by the creater of the universe. he made me unique, unlike any other person. i will not take that for granted... i will be thankful. i will take care of His creation the best i can, and i will let NO one tell me that i am anything less than precious because i know God thinks i am... if He didn't, His son would not have had to die on the cross.
time for the confession...
i'm obsessed. no not with coffee... but with finding a boyfriend. i'm not going to try and hide it and lie anymore. it's true. ever since i was little i can remember just crushing on so many boys and fantasizing (sp?) about getting married. it wasn't until the day before my 15th b'day that i had my first boyfriend. this boyfriend chose to call me fat. and ever since then, i've been searching for a boyfriend who truly treasured me. i went from boy to boy to boy (5 to be exact) searching for that one. boy #1 called me fat. boy #2 said i was immature and used me as a distraction from the girl he really liked. boy #3 lied to me and showed me off like a trophy. boy #4 was obsessed with my body and wanted nothing more than a physical relationship and used good lines to draw me in. and finally boy #5 talked me up into believing this was going to FINALLY be an amazing relationship, only to break up with me 2 days after we became boyfriend/girlfriend (he had good reasons for breaking up, and i'm not going to hold any of this against him... but i can't say that it didn't really hurt me). so here i am, single, and wondering why on earth i'm so bound and determined to be with someone. after soccer tonight i went running (didn't run alot at soccer), i ran only a lil bit then just started walking and listening to music. i kept thinking about the guy i am crushing on. then, it just kinda hit me... i'm obsessed. once i like a guy, i can't get him out of my mind... not unless another boy grabs my attention....... *sigh* i'm pathetic. i'm stuck. i'm hopelessly chasing after something that i'm not sure i will find. what if the fulfillment and happiness i think i will find in a boyfriend, isn't really there? i found myself sitting in a shadow crying. "God why can't i do it? why can't i be content in you? why can't i find my fulfilment in you? i try Lord, but i some how always find myself back here... God i don't want to give up, but i'm at my whits end and i'm sick of fighting. i just want to find my joy in you" i wish we could still talk to God like adam and eve used to. i wish to sit and talk to him and hear his voice. i feel like when i God talks to me through other things, i'm only getting second best. i'm not gonna lie. i feel gipped. i'm like "Come on God! i know you're there! so why don't you just talk to me!? i mean seriously! why must you make things confusing by talking through others/things??"
*sigh* i know i will never fully understand God... and quite frankly, that is what makes him God. and i'm ok with that...
so if you read all of this, thank you. you're a good friend :) now i just ask that you pray for me.
