weeeeee!

Say goodnight and go
-Imogen Heap

Skipping beats, flashing jeeps
I am struggling
Daydreaming, been sitting, the corner cafe
And I'm left in bits, recovered tectonic, trembling
You get me everytime

Why'd you have to be so cute
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go

Follow you home
You've got your headphones on
And your dancing
Got lucky, beautiful shot
You're taking everything off

Watch the curtains, wide open
And you fall in the same routine
Flicking through the TV
Relaxed and reclining
And you think you're alone

Oh why'd you have to be so cute
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go

One of these days
You'll miss your train, and come stay with me
It's always say goodnight and go
We'll have drinks and talk about things
And any excuse to stay awake with you
You'd sleep here, I'd sleep there
But then the heating may be down again
At my convenience
We'd be good, we'd be great together
Go

Why'd you have to be so cute
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go

Why is it always, always

Goodnight and Go

Goodnight and Go!

sunday sunday sunday

i'm a loser... i get obsessed... i over analyze... i can't spell... i assume... i let things bother me too easily... i need Christ. tomorrow i have almost nothing to do, which brings me to a wonderful decision of spending a long time with Christ. i need him. i need his help. i've got to clear my head. i need his guidance. i need his comfort.
Christ makes me new.......

today was... good! lots of hangy outty time. i sang with our youth worship team for the last time tonight. i really enjoyed it tonight. i love when we just break it down to pure music. i love acoustic sets. i liked not having a mic, i liked not being on a stage... just felt like pure worship. it was a good way to end it all... but it was sorta sad. i mean, i'll sing again. just probably not for almost a year. i need a break. i've got to focus on school and make sure i actually pass these courses. so far i'm doing well... but i've really got to get some sleep
g'night all... much love
Kendall

the friday flop

i'm growing up... im getting older... i'm saying goodbye and taking on a new life. today was raugh. i had to work all day alone in a lonely warehouse putting matboard away. my hands are cut up and my arms are sore. i talked to my mom some the other day about my body size and she said a good weight for me is probably 120... i weigh 140. then tonight when i was with my friends they freaked out and said i'd look anerexic if i lost that much... so who do i believe? then tonight i think it all really set in the fact that these are going to be some of our last nights together (my friends and i... Sarah, Aaron and Matt). it's really sad. infact, on the way home i cried. i turned on the radio cause i was too lazy to get out my ipod and the song was on by Daniel Powter called "you had a bad day"... it just kinda fit. i love my friends so much, it was hard saying g'bye just for this lil bit of time. sarah will be gone for a month, aaron for almost 2 weeks, and mat for a week. and me... here... i'll be working my tail off in both work and school and all the while trying to lose weight?! today was just depressing. not a lot went right... dinner made me feel all bloaty and gross, humidity screwed my hair over, the dance party was a flop, my shoes hurt my feet, my arms ache..... my friends are leaving. the few friends who i felt really accept me and never judged me and saw me and loved me.....*sigh* well at least we got one more night together before school starts... not sure how many more of these we'll have. so that was nice, and we did have a good time... i think i just killed it for myself because i couldn't get my mind off of the inevitable future. i also got a new very spiffy digital camera today. i like it. i've got to mess with it some though and figure out the settings and such. tomorrow i have to wake up early to do homework. i wish i could wake up early and go take pictures, but alas... my life revolves around school...ugh.

weird wednesday

today was a lil... strange. it seemed like it was just a very long day. i mean i guess i did do a lot... but i guess that is what happens when you wake up early lol... a lot of things happened out of the ordinary today. things like driving a co-worker i hardly knew to the hospital (it's along story... she didn't get hurt, her daughter has strep and mono...), to witnessing to almost my whole intire history class, and being told by a lady who was meditating outside of caribou coffee that i had a very nice smile. oh and between the span of today and yesterday, i lost 3 lbs! weird. today was good... pretty darn productive. i wish i could have gotten more done, but there's this thing the greeks invented called time and it sucks.
i'm going to bed... i can't keep staying up so late, i will get sick.
in Christ always and forever,
Kendall
ps. that's 3 weird pictures, for a weird day :-p

curious george is my hero

aaaaw... look how cute... dontcha just wanna squeeze him?!
ok so anyways. i got this stupid lil mole removed from my forhead today. it's all ouchy now, but it was crazy weird when they were chopping it off... or well... shaving it as the doctor put it. that sorta grossed me out. anyways... i now have a lil piece of my DNA being shipped off to some lab to make sure it's not like... diseased or something. fun. but what really is fun is that i got lil brightly colored curious george band-aids for it so it's cute and covers up the scaryness. :)
so school is going well. so far the homework has just been time consuming and not so much hard. well the computer junk is hard because i'm so used to a mac that i don't know some of that junk. i'm going to take off from work after lunch and start homework early. i'd like to have it all done by the weekend. that'd be super. i think i'll go sit in the local coffee shop and study. i wanted to go to this grunge/hippie/indie/rock coffee shop down by CPCC. but my mom went with me today to get coffee and she was a lil disturbed by the "outlandish" types who came in. haha... to me they are normal. oh how the times have changed... so it looks like i may not be going there. i mean after all, she is my mom and does care a lot about me and if she doesn't feel safe with me going there then i really guess i should respect that. well... it's getting late, yet again... and i most def have work in the morn.
peace out my home slices,
Kendall

sand pipers?!

so i finally was able to watch the silly thing for school. the dude talked so fast. i must have rewound it about 15 times and paused it i don't know know how many times. after a lil while i gave up and just watched. it was more of a show than actual teaching... i wonder if CPCC realizes that? i really only have one question in regards to this class... why is it so easy to believe and accept this history, yet so hard to believe the history of Jesus Christ?

i need you guys to pray for me. i'm really getting self-concious. it's so retarded. i know it's wrong to not eat to lose weight, and it's wrong to throw up (not saying i do either one) after eating, but i can't tell you how many times i was tempted to skip a meal today. it was actually really scary. i have never been that tempted before. but this is how it's always been. whenever a new semester starts, some kind of drama starts. it's just life. i can't seem to ever fully focus on school. i mean i gave up band and other things so i could focus on school this summer! *sigh* i will not let myself be distracted. i will not sink so low as to let the world's approval be my joy. i know that it is only in Christ Jesus that i am happy and fulfilled. i know that only in Him that i see ME, not the physical me. He makes me come alive. i want Him to make me alive...

my camera is officially dead. so begins the saving of moola for a pretty little camera. my mommy is going to let me use her nice camera for my photography class this fall. it's old fashioned. an actual real film and manual setting camera. i'm excited. i've played with it some before, but it will be great fun to actually get to play with it for a long time!

i got the new Jack Johnson CD... it's amazing. it makes me smile cause it makes me think of the beach... WHICH REMINDS ME! today as i was walking into cpcc for classes i saw 2 little Sand Pipers!! those lil birds are only supposed to be at the beach! and the best part is, besides the fact that they were right in front me, is that they are one of my favorite birds :) i love going to the beach and watching them run along the beach. it's so cute. so there they were, just chillin, and chirping, and there i stood smiling. *thanks God*

my friends and i are planning a road trip. we want to leave at 3ish in the morning or earlier and drive to the beach to watch the sunrise, then stay and watch the sunset then drive home... talk about an amazing and exausting day! we want to do it friday... but uh... yeah looks like one of us won't be able to go, and we refuse to go without all 4 of us.

well... that was a fun recap. now it's late, and i have to wake up early for work (730ish). oh yeah, tomorrow i am going to the doctor to get a stupid mole removed from my forehead. it's been there since i was very little. it used to be sort of a self-concious thing, but now i don't even notice it. but lately i've been hitting it and i'm freakin paraniod i'm going to like scratch it off my head. that'd be sick. so i leave you, my friends, with that amazing visual :)
g'night!
Kendall

first day of havin my life back

this is how i feel right now... this picture is very fitting... my parents keep disturbing my study session... UGH!


so i never thought i'd say it, but im glad school is back in session. i missed having stuff to do. so far, i really have no idea how stressful this all will be. but i'm going to focus. i'm even getting ready to watch the stupid telecourse on tv for my history class. my mom had to tape it for me cause i have a night class. but it's still on right now, and i have to wait for it to finish before i can watch it all. i'm watching it as i type... it's american history, about christopher columbus (he didn't really discover America, the vikings did... and even when he actually came to america, it wasn't him who first spotted it, it was one of his crew men. he just likes to say he discovered it). anyways... the show just finished so i'm going to watch it now and attempt to take notes. he talks rather fast. if i'm not too tired after this, then i'm going to post again.
much love :)
Kendall

my life

so my life ends tomorrow. i start work and school. i'll be working part time for my mommy and taking 4 classes. i guess it isn't too bad. i don't like having a ton of free time. it was nice to have this time off, but i'm glad to have stuff to do now. i will really miss my chill time at the park though. once i discovered how great that was i did that for hours at a time during the day. so tomorrow i go into to work after lunch which means i'm going to wake up early tomorrow to work out. then i have class monday and wednesday nights. blegh. i wish they had all been online. i just wanted that flexability. i'm trying to figure out how i'm going to go work out, do school, and spend time in the word tomorrow. maybe while i work out i can read my bible? *sigh* i wish i didn't have so much to do. hahaha... just a sec. ago i was saying i wanted more to do! haha...

OH MY GOSH!!!! my mom just told me it's against the rules to dance at CIU!!!!! i'm going to die............. this is horrible! i love dancing! ;dziufgh;siohgs;iuoghr oh well, just one thing. i'll be ok. haha... i can handle it. *takes a deep breath....* it will be ok... i can live without dancing for just a lil bit............

ok i'm done. now i'm trying to decide if i should get a shower tonight, or tomorrow... i don't think i have time for workin out tomorrow, so maybe i'll shower tonight and get up early and get things done.

ding! light bulb just came on

so i finally figured out, or at least i think i did, what God has been trying to tell me. in my other blog i said that i felt like God was trying to tell me something, but i couldn't figure out what... here's what my blog said. "so God has been showing/telling me the same message over and over. really, about 5ish times he has presented this message to me. the message has been about how God doesn't just want to "patch up" the bad spots in our hearts. he wants to tear us down so that he can make us brand new and better than we were. if we don't let him tear us down and make us new, then we will still have those old ways in us and have sin in our heart... we have to let him make us the way he desires to make us. but we really have to let him. anyways... God has been showing me this message over and over, and i don't know why. maybe God's preparing me for something. maybe he's trying to tell me that he is going to tear me down? but i don't know for sure why he has been telling me this, over and over. but i do know that it is a gorgious day out, and time is flying, and i'm excited about those 2 facts. i'm so ready to go off to CIU that it hurts. yesterday i literally got so impatient that i had to just get away. i went and got some coffee and sat in the park and watched people and ducks and attempted to read my bible. i prayed and prayed... God is giving me patience. i just have to let Him help me. but like i said, it's amazing outside and i want to do my usual summer thing... iced coffee, bible, journal, park :)"
i think God was trying to tell me that what has happened in my recent past was something that needed to happen. sometimes God really does have to break you through very ouchy ways before He can make you who He wants you to be. i mean i highly doubt that God wanted me to go through all that i did, and wanted me to make those decisions... but sometimes, since we are human, God has to let things happen the way they do before He can truly make us into the person we need to be.
*God... i'm sorry for who i am... for who i was. i'm sorry that You had to break me... i'm sorry that it had to be done that way. i know it could have been done in another way, but i was stubborn and blind. i love you Lord... i'm sorry..... thank you.......*

today

so tonight was my last official time in my highschool bible study. i led tonight. i decided to teach on ephesians 4. i like that chapter... well... i really like all of ephesians. anyways... i think i have decided that i'm going to take a break from singing with the highschool worship band at my church. i have a full load at school this summer, plus i'm going to start working full time for my mom, and i don't know if in between all of that if i'll have a lot of free time and i'd muchly like to have SOME free time. from what i can tell now, it doesn't look like it's going to take a ton of my time up, but i'd just like to have the flexability. also, i can't tell you how long i've just wanted to be out of highschool stuff. i mean i essentially have been because i am a grade ahead, but yeah, stuff happened and i stayed back with highschool stuff. i mean it was sort of my decision to not go ahead and moce up, but i didn't think i was going to struggle so much with it. so i think that right now is a good time for me to let go of it all. move up officially and be the college dudette i want to be.
so i never thought i'd say this when this past semester ended, but i honestly think i'm ready for school to start again. i don't like not having anything to do. i mean, yeah it's nice to sleep in until 12 (which is what i've been doing this whole time), and to just kind of do whatever i want. but going to the mall gets old real fast, and since my camera is broken i can't exactly go explore taking pictures... starting this monday though i'll have plenty to do. ok, i'm done... no more to really write about.

i love photography

ps.

the keytar is the ___ !
(for you lauren) ;)
this is my myspace for anyone who cares to know :)
http://www.myspace.com/specail_k

ugh i'm such a comformist

ok so i have a blog on my myspace, but myspace has begun to get slightly over-rated and i decided to get a blog for when i kick my myspace to the curb.

my dad challenged me over the summer to try and read all/most of the New Testement. i'm about to finish Matthew. i have, 3 chapters left? yeah, something like that. i am amazed at all that Christ did. at how many people He healed, at how He knew just what to say and when to say it, for the love He showed, for the grace, for the wise words, for the sacrifice, for how humble He is despite the fact that all along He knew He was God and did not deserve to be treated the way He was. so many doubted Him. so many tried to hurt Him. so many lacked faith... even though we need to so little. the more i read His word, the more i enjoy it. i find myself not wanting to stop. i feel refreshed when i read. i could be having a crappy day and go and read it, and feel so much better. He makes me new... He forgives me... He loves me... He desires to spend time with me, He comforst me.......... He fulfills me....... He satisfies me..... i need nothing more than Him.

i am going crazy. my camera decided to die the other day and i'm about to have a melt down. i saw the most gorgious sunset tonight and i could do nothing. i had a disposable one with me i need to get developed, but it had a couple of pictures left on it, so i wanted to try and use them before i got it developed. i attempted to take pictures of the sunset with that, but i highly doubt they will come out. but all this has inspired me to go back through some of my photos and i found one i really like... it was the pic of the frog above. so there you go, a frog for my new blog :)
time for bed.