scared.

so i just have to get this outta my system. because even though i'm praying i keep hearing God saying the same things over and over....... "don't worry"


i'm getting my first tattoo this saturday. not tomorrow, but the 19th. i'm so nervous right now that i can't think straight and my arm is hurting in anticipation. i've wanted this tattoo for a while now, but it doesn't mean i'm not nervous. why am i nervous? because i'm scared of what my family will say. i'm nervous to even tell them. i don't have to tell them today, but i have a week. and the thing is, is i know what they're going to say, i just don't want to hear it. because i've thought through this.

"not every where you go is accepting of tattoos."
...but i can still cover it.

"when you're 60 things on your body will start beginning the phase of being wrinkly and you chance it not looking good anymore."
...but seriously, what will look good on me at that point?

"you risk guys not being attracted to you as much because of it."
.....but i wouldn't want to date a guy that i'd have to change myself for anyway.

"you may not like it in 5 years."
......but there's always removal.

the fact is, is i'm a people pleaser and i know this without a shadow of a doubt. it's my worst and best quality. but i have to stop. i have to be myself.... i feel like i've already said all this. i just need some encouragement. it's amazing how much encouragement i need to void the few un-encouraging words.

it's my first tattoo

it's going to be bigger than i thought

it's going to hurt

and i'm worried to hear what people will say.

i'm scared. but not scared enough to back out.