If they make Flying V mandolins... if they do, i want one. vintage yellow plz.
if Skinny will let me play Jazz (Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday, Fred Astaire, Nina Simone, Doris Day) music while i get my tattoo. it makes me happy and calms me down.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
this is my bad body double...
today i learned that i deny myself a lot. i deny my true nature and lie to myself saying "no you're really not like that..."
but i am.
i lack self confidence. i don't see myself the way others do. i don't want to believe people when they say what they say. i KNOW who i am. but the second someone second guesses me, i lose it.
i went today to Ace to talk to Skinny about my tattoo and to set up an appointment. i'm excited and nervous and impatient and ready. honestly i've reached this weird calm about it. i don't know how to explain it. it's kind of this mentality where it's not that i'm nervous in the sense that i'm going to regret it, that i'm going to not like it in 20 years... i'm nervous for the pain. i'm nervous that me getting tattoos will cause some guy i'm totally into to not be into me. but tattoos may be some of the most beautiful things i've ever seen. i'm obsessed with them. i seriously do pray that God will bless me with a husband that is covered in tattoos. i'm THAT person that stares at people who have them not because they're weird but because i'm infatuated by their tattoos. i always want to stop people and ask them what they mean, why they got them on that part of their body, if they regret it, if they want more... etc... it actually was really encouraging to talk to Skinny..... he was working with a girl there on hers too and while he was sketching hers up, i got to talkin to her and she asked me if i was nervous... i told her the main reason i was worried is that i'm scared that as i get tattoos, guys won't be attracted to me. without skipping a beat, Skinny turned to me and just laughed and said, ARE YOU FREAKIN SERIOUS?! hahaha... i didn't have to ask what he meant... haha... then the girl said yeah seriously sweet heart, my husband has been practically begging me to get a sleeve.
so with that said. let the tattoos begin. :)
it's easy to encourage me and discourage me. just a few simple words or even a mere inflection in the words will do the trick.
it seems that almost every year there's something i'm extra excited about. by this time next year i'll have hopefully finished up CPCC, gotten at least 2 of my tattoos, moved uptown, and gotten a dog. but i'm willing to wait. i'm thankful for these frustrating times in life. i'm thankful God is making me wait for little things and big things. for breaking me. for stripping me down so that i honestly can't be anything but the woman he made... oh how blasphemous am i to try to be something other than whom God made?
i'm tired of hushing my true self because i don't want people to think i'm foolish. i wish people didn't say "oh come on! don't _______!" look, just because you wouldn't, doesn't mean i shouldn't. God made me with these passions for a reason and there will be a time and place for them.
i'm such a weird girl.
i'm attracted to the opposite of me. i love the 40's and Jazz music. i like sports and fishing. i love tattoos and hard core music. i can't describe my style. i'm too nice for my own good. i love big dogs. i love video games and music and concerts. i love cliff diving and i'm scared of trains. i sometimes sneeze when i brush my teeth and cough when i clean my right ear. i want to own my own coffee shop and music venue. i was always just one of the guys growing up. i love make up and fire red lip stick. i love pop art and classical music. i eat really weird... borderline vegetarian with rarely any processed food. i have an extremely addictive personality. i don't put up with ANY kind of crap from guys. i'm spontaneous and don't ask a million questions or think things through... i just do and pray for the best. i'm learning the mandolin and can sing. i'm a christian.
but i am.
i lack self confidence. i don't see myself the way others do. i don't want to believe people when they say what they say. i KNOW who i am. but the second someone second guesses me, i lose it.
i went today to Ace to talk to Skinny about my tattoo and to set up an appointment. i'm excited and nervous and impatient and ready. honestly i've reached this weird calm about it. i don't know how to explain it. it's kind of this mentality where it's not that i'm nervous in the sense that i'm going to regret it, that i'm going to not like it in 20 years... i'm nervous for the pain. i'm nervous that me getting tattoos will cause some guy i'm totally into to not be into me. but tattoos may be some of the most beautiful things i've ever seen. i'm obsessed with them. i seriously do pray that God will bless me with a husband that is covered in tattoos. i'm THAT person that stares at people who have them not because they're weird but because i'm infatuated by their tattoos. i always want to stop people and ask them what they mean, why they got them on that part of their body, if they regret it, if they want more... etc... it actually was really encouraging to talk to Skinny..... he was working with a girl there on hers too and while he was sketching hers up, i got to talkin to her and she asked me if i was nervous... i told her the main reason i was worried is that i'm scared that as i get tattoos, guys won't be attracted to me. without skipping a beat, Skinny turned to me and just laughed and said, ARE YOU FREAKIN SERIOUS?! hahaha... i didn't have to ask what he meant... haha... then the girl said yeah seriously sweet heart, my husband has been practically begging me to get a sleeve.
so with that said. let the tattoos begin. :)
it's easy to encourage me and discourage me. just a few simple words or even a mere inflection in the words will do the trick.
it seems that almost every year there's something i'm extra excited about. by this time next year i'll have hopefully finished up CPCC, gotten at least 2 of my tattoos, moved uptown, and gotten a dog. but i'm willing to wait. i'm thankful for these frustrating times in life. i'm thankful God is making me wait for little things and big things. for breaking me. for stripping me down so that i honestly can't be anything but the woman he made... oh how blasphemous am i to try to be something other than whom God made?
i'm tired of hushing my true self because i don't want people to think i'm foolish. i wish people didn't say "oh come on! don't _______!" look, just because you wouldn't, doesn't mean i shouldn't. God made me with these passions for a reason and there will be a time and place for them.
i'm such a weird girl.
i'm attracted to the opposite of me. i love the 40's and Jazz music. i like sports and fishing. i love tattoos and hard core music. i can't describe my style. i'm too nice for my own good. i love big dogs. i love video games and music and concerts. i love cliff diving and i'm scared of trains. i sometimes sneeze when i brush my teeth and cough when i clean my right ear. i want to own my own coffee shop and music venue. i was always just one of the guys growing up. i love make up and fire red lip stick. i love pop art and classical music. i eat really weird... borderline vegetarian with rarely any processed food. i have an extremely addictive personality. i don't put up with ANY kind of crap from guys. i'm spontaneous and don't ask a million questions or think things through... i just do and pray for the best. i'm learning the mandolin and can sing. i'm a christian.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
new
School has started yet again. there's always a bitter sweetness to it. i like being busy, having things to do, but sometimes i need a break... that and i get bored easy. for now this is new and interesting... new people, new buildings, new things to learn about. but after a while it all gets so redundant and irritating.
I started going to Elevation Church last Sunday. i seriously am loving this church. of course there are things that are a little ridiculous. but i know that my perfect church doesn't exist. thankfully the things that are a little silly aren't big enough to ruin the church for me. I've grown so much spiritually already through this church. I've been listening a lot to their online sermons. it's so refreshing to finally be in a church where i feel challenged and encouraged and humbled and most of all, excited to come to.
i got a job at Lucky Brand Jeans a week ago ^_^ I'm way stoked. seriously, i think I'm REALLY going to love this job. my manager is one of the worship pastors at Warehouse 242 Church downtown, so needless to say, that's amazing. it's going to be so nice to finally work with a solid Christian. all my co-workers are really sweet too. i haven't had a REAL official work day yet, but I've come in for a store meeting and tomorrow i go in for training. it'll just be nice to finally work somewhere i fit.
I'm so ready for my tattoos. i almost feel weird not having them. I've checked out a lot of artists and I've almost had it done twice by two different guys. but i kept backing out. i finally have decided on Skinny down at Ace Custom Tattoo. not only have i heard SOOOO many good things about him, but according to one of his good friends who's a good friend of mine, he's been pseudo seeking spiritually and me getting my tattoos from him would be a huge witness. that's reason enough for me. both of my tattoos scream Christ. I'm beyond excited and ready.
i hope i don't come across as cliche or fake.
sometimes when i see people, i want to stop them and ask them what they're thinking. it's just strange to me. sometimes i can't see how people couldn't believe in Christianity. but i guess it's just because I'm starting to really get it all. life would seem so empty and meaningless. my heart and mind has changed so much recently. things i used to think were ok, just don't seem right anymore. it's so strange.
Despite all this, I'm lonely. and not even in the sense that I'm really wanting a boyfriend. sure that'd be nice and all, but that's not it. he wouldn't be able to really fulfill all my needs... i just hate doing things alone. i miss going on random road trips, i miss the late nights, i miss going cliff diving, i miss walking around the city of Charlotte...... i hope and pray as i continue to go to Elevation, I'll get involved and meet new people and find a core group of friends again. :/
so life is good. I'm just a little bit lonely.
I started going to Elevation Church last Sunday. i seriously am loving this church. of course there are things that are a little ridiculous. but i know that my perfect church doesn't exist. thankfully the things that are a little silly aren't big enough to ruin the church for me. I've grown so much spiritually already through this church. I've been listening a lot to their online sermons. it's so refreshing to finally be in a church where i feel challenged and encouraged and humbled and most of all, excited to come to.
i got a job at Lucky Brand Jeans a week ago ^_^ I'm way stoked. seriously, i think I'm REALLY going to love this job. my manager is one of the worship pastors at Warehouse 242 Church downtown, so needless to say, that's amazing. it's going to be so nice to finally work with a solid Christian. all my co-workers are really sweet too. i haven't had a REAL official work day yet, but I've come in for a store meeting and tomorrow i go in for training. it'll just be nice to finally work somewhere i fit.
I'm so ready for my tattoos. i almost feel weird not having them. I've checked out a lot of artists and I've almost had it done twice by two different guys. but i kept backing out. i finally have decided on Skinny down at Ace Custom Tattoo. not only have i heard SOOOO many good things about him, but according to one of his good friends who's a good friend of mine, he's been pseudo seeking spiritually and me getting my tattoos from him would be a huge witness. that's reason enough for me. both of my tattoos scream Christ. I'm beyond excited and ready.
i hope i don't come across as cliche or fake.
sometimes when i see people, i want to stop them and ask them what they're thinking. it's just strange to me. sometimes i can't see how people couldn't believe in Christianity. but i guess it's just because I'm starting to really get it all. life would seem so empty and meaningless. my heart and mind has changed so much recently. things i used to think were ok, just don't seem right anymore. it's so strange.
Despite all this, I'm lonely. and not even in the sense that I'm really wanting a boyfriend. sure that'd be nice and all, but that's not it. he wouldn't be able to really fulfill all my needs... i just hate doing things alone. i miss going on random road trips, i miss the late nights, i miss going cliff diving, i miss walking around the city of Charlotte...... i hope and pray as i continue to go to Elevation, I'll get involved and meet new people and find a core group of friends again. :/
so life is good. I'm just a little bit lonely.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
random thoughts.
i really really love tattoos. i've often considered getting a quarter sleeve... but i'm scared one day i'll regret it. i also don't know what i'd get it of....... i hope my husband is covered in them......
every time i clean my right ear, i cough.
brushing my teeth sometimes make me sneeze.
i'm lonely.
sometimes i think it'd be a lot of fun to open up a coffee shop. or a music venue. or both... combined into one.
i really only like hot weather when i'm at the beach or pool or lake.
i wish i had the courage to stand up to rude customers.
it disgusts me the way our nation is so overweight.
i wish i needed glasses.
every time i clean my right ear, i cough.
brushing my teeth sometimes make me sneeze.
i'm lonely.
sometimes i think it'd be a lot of fun to open up a coffee shop. or a music venue. or both... combined into one.
i really only like hot weather when i'm at the beach or pool or lake.
i wish i had the courage to stand up to rude customers.
it disgusts me the way our nation is so overweight.
i wish i needed glasses.
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