Drowning in my sleep.

Since i was roughly 16 or 17 years old I've known that i was different. made uniquely for something bigger than my skin. i was made to be in ministry, but not your ordinary ministry. i was made to love on others, hear their stories, relate to them, hug on them, cry with them, speak words of truth to the best of my knowledge, or sometimes just not speak at all........

but it's seems as of late I've lost that drive. I've grown stagnant, frustrated and bitter. the more i open my eyes to the world around me, the more i realize how numb the people are around me. no one cares about anyone but themselves. we fight and scratch and claw our way to the top, only to realize that instead of ruling everyone, everyone's ruling us (mark 10:31). what joy comes from that?

God warns us so much... yet we have hard hearts (mark 10:5ish). He's so simple yet so jealous.

I'm ready for a change. a change of scenery. a change of pace. a change of heart.

I'm looking into doing YWAM (http://ywam.com/). i need a chance to get away. I've been sitting around for far too long. drowning in this sleepy state of life. i feel useless and as if I'm wasting precious time that i could be giving to God. i know what i'm passionate about, but i have no idea how to put that passion into a real life career. i am not running from my problems, i'm more trying to face them head on. i know that when i get back nothing will have changed, i just need a chance to let God work.

people will always tell you that if you want to change the world, you have to first change yourself and be that change.

but it gets awful lonely being the only one changing...

no wonder no one's trying to change.