my theme song :)

Doris Day
Que Sera Sera

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

When I grew up, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

so i was having an ok day. it started out amazing! i finally found a good church, and it looks like i'll be able to start singing in their worship band (not holding my breath, but it looked hopeful!) then i got to go have lunch with Bobby and that was a lot of fun. glad i got to get to know him better! then well, things started going down hill... i had a dizzy spell, fell asleep, went to dinner and just nothing was good at all... i've had cereal almost all day. then some other things happened and working out just didn't cut it for once and listening to music wasn't good either, so i resorted to driving and prayingly screaming. that helped... for the most part. i think the hardest thing for me as a Christian is not being able to have one on one conversations with the God i love so dearly. i prayed so hard tonight... i haven't prayed like that in a long time... in tears i just prayed that God would talk to me and help me... i'm at my whits end (sp!?) and i'm at a loss of words... i needed him more than ever. *le sigh* i came home, showered, ate more cereal, watched gilmore girls then talked to my AMAZING brother. i talked to him about my drama and he gave me some of the best advice i've ever had... and you know... i really think God spoke through him tonight. i feel like a weight was just lifted off my shoulders! then the last gilmore girl episode i watched had that song in it by doris day (see above), and it just fit. :) i'm happy. it is time for bed. oh! speaking of! i get the room to myself tonight... maggie ditched me for OTHER friends... pff...friends... :)
~so i tell you, do not worry, you are worth far more than many sparrows~
*thank you God. again i'm left baffled by your faithfulness. you have helped me yet again and i can't thank you enough. Lord thank you for answering my prayers. thank you for talking to me... for proving me wrong. God you do talk to us, just not always in the ways we want you to. but that's what makes you, you God. you are unique beyond comprehension. you know just what to do, and when to do it. thank you again God... thank you......*

i think...

i figured out why it was weird for me to go home this weekend... it doesn't feel like home anymore! as sad as that sounds, it's true. CIU has become my home, and i love it here. so not only that, but i feel like already i've changed. not in a bad way, but just in general. i'm really starting to form my own opinions on things and become my own person.
ok those were just some thoughts i thought i'd throw out there... i'm going to get back to homework....mleh.......

thoughts on things during my weekend home

coming home has been weird. it's been AMAZING! but weird... it's like this isn't home anymore for me. CIU is. i miss it... i'm homesick for ciu. is that bad? i miss all my friends and just everything about being there. i don't feel like belong here anymore. i really don't even know how to explain this feeling. i just wish i could... i'm glad i serve a God who can fully understand me even when i can't. it's an amazing thing! so when i don't even know who to talk to or how to talk about it... He knows.
so this is a complicated subject, but none-the-less, i'm going to bring it up. i noticed something tonight... girls long for boys to tell them that they like them ("do you like me? check yes or no")... yet when a girl is in a situation where she either doesn't like him or she likes someone else or really just isn't ready for a relationship, she has to tell him that and it feels like she's breaking up with him! how lame is that!? i mean there's really no way around it... at least none that i can see at this moment... though i'm way too tired to even try and think of some. why can't we all just freaking be friends? *sigh* ok i lied... i like being liked. and even more fun is knowing that i'm liked by the guy i like. i just don't understand why things have to get so freakin complicated and messy after the fact of infatuation has been communicated and put out there.

on a final note, Paramore fweakin rocks!

it's been a loooong time

wow so long time no blog... life has been amazing. CIU ROCKS my face off! classes are amazing... i'm totally stoked about them all. my friends here rock and my room mate... wow... she's amazing. we get along soooo well. i can talk to her about anything and everything. she's very willing to listen and just be there for me. we went today to the mall and ate lunch and i talked her into getting her ears peirced. ACTUALLY i didn't talk her into it, it was more of her really wanting to do it and just hasn't had the chance :) so that was fun...
i'm really ready for cold weather. this whole hot weather/humidity deal is killing me. i wish it would go away...mleh...
i've got a photography bug and i SERIOUSLY need to get out and go take pictures. i know there are some good places around here, i just don't really know the area. good thing i've got plenty of friends here! haha...
i've grown so much already since i've been here. learned soooo much about myself/friends/family. i'm really excited about all that i've learned. like i already feel like a better and stronger person. i mean of course i've got room to grow! i always will. but it's exciting to see how much i've grown so far.
ok that's all for now! love you all and miss you all so freaking much!
Love in Christ,
Kendall
P.S. here are 2 verses i've found that i'm in love with currently... the Matthew 10:31 is my new life verse. it's very similar to my old one but just more specific...
"So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." - Matthew 10:31
“Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.”- Psalm 143:10