this is going to be a lengthy blog entry...
I'll just warn ya...
It's come to my attention lately that i may or may not have a serious problem.
I, Kendall Winter, loathe being told what to do. I despise being told what is right and wrong, moral or immoral for my own life.
I'm this weird combination of a people
pleaser (i know, not a real word) type and a total rebel. between the two it keeps me from going absolutely crazy and covering myself in tattoos and drinking my weight in beer just out of pure spite.
but it's the guilt that's killing me. since
I'm the people
pleaser type, i want people to approve of me and the things i choose to do and not do. but
I'm constantly surrounded by people of all kinds telling me how i should live my life. between media, my parents, and close friends... i sometimes find myself overwhelmed. i have to constantly stop and ask myself what I know is right and wrong, moral and immoral... what i know is right for myself, what i want for myself.
it saddens me because i know
I'm not the only one like this. we all in some way, shape, or form, just want people to see us for who we are and love us despite our faults. we're a messy human race. we say things to each other that should never be said. we do things to each other that should never be done. and we do it all as if it's normal.
this my friends, is why Christ said to treat each other how we want to be treated.
i finally had a conversation with my mom this morning about that very thing. about the guilt that we all put on each other... most of the time unknowingly. how refreshing it was to hear her say that all she wanted for me was what God wants of me.
as we continued talking she told me one of the coolest testimonies
I've ever heard.
the other day a man came to service our AC in our home. as my mom began talking to him, they stumbled upon his testimony...
he was a full fledged
atheist working in the mafia. one day, having grown tired of the killing... tired of the drugs and chaos, he stopped and thought "what's the point? if i just turn to dust after this, what good am i doing?"... as he pulled out a gun to end his life, a missionary came up and shared with him the best information he'd ever hear. that day he gave his life to Christ. as he prayed he
literally felt as if something was being ripped from his chest......the missionary asked him to come to church the next
Sunday... his response was merely, "no, i have to see if this thing is real"
that night as he slept he woke to see flames
engulfing his room, swirling with rage around him and his sleeping wife. amidst the fire he saw a figure dressed in white standing by the ocean. once he saw Him, he began weeping crying out "LORD LORD! MY LORD FORGIVE ME!"
this man did not even know what prayer was before he met the missionary...he had no idea how he knew to call him Lord.
as he cried out, the man by the ocean wrote on the shore, "i will make you fishers of men"
this man had never heard one word of scripture before this......
the moment his wife woke up it all went away... and all he could do was hold her and weep, crying out "please forgive me... please please forgive me"
it was a year ago that day that she had prayed to God saying "God if you are real... change this man." she had planned on divorcing him, fed up with his lifestyle, that is if God didn't change him first.
.....
as my mom stood there listening to the mans story she began crying, and he chuckled saying "you must think
I'm crazy"... but she didn't. he told her how he was unsure if that night was a dream or reality. but what he did know is that we serve a big and powerful God. able to change even the hardest of hearts.
we just all so often lack faith in His mighty power.
