koi fish and a humorous God

life is funny, wait.... GOD is funny.

so basically my life had come to this:
most of my close friends were gone either for good or for the summer, my typical hang out spot was gone, i had no idea where i was going to go to school in the fall, church was/is becoming fluffy, I'm unhappy with how my body looks, and I'm just flat out lonely. i had gotten really really depressed. it was like everything i had had security in, was falling out from under my feet. but i expected this! i was waiting for it. i threw my life before God like it was mud... and prayed God, take me, break me, mold me, change me... my life is yours.

so then as i found myself on the kitchen floor all alone crying... i knew i had to "get over it" (in more or less words). i asked for this, i knew this was coming... it would be idiotic to cry for God take it away.

so i started changing. i started eating the best i knew how, working out everyday i could, praying as much as i thought about it, i began looking at colleges... and then, it hit me. haha........ I'm right back where i started! as i searched school after school, i suddenly realized... none of these schools are going to really prepare me quite like SEBC will. and how "funny" is it that i couldn't get into all my classes this fall semester at CP??? hmmm... i suppose God had a plan after all... oh ye of little faith.......... then on top of that, I've made some new amazing friends. one of which wants me helping with his middle school youth group. things are looking up. :) i still find myself getting irritated at the blahness of this town. i was born and raised here, I'm ready for some new scenery. there's just not a lot to do here... but i guess that's where you have to get creative.

^_^
lately a couple of my friends pointed out my latest obsession with fish. i guess the summer just makes me think of the water... i really do love it. my mom used to call me a little fish when i was younger. i think if i could have chosen to be a mermaid at one point in my life, i probably would have. but anyway... sense i've also been addicted to putting henna on myself, i decided i'd put koi fish on my wrist. as i searched the Internet for a good picture i stumbled across a picture i loved.... but the link led me to a guys blog. as i began reading HIS reasoning for getting a koi fish, it made me fall in love with it all the more. he basically got it for 2 reasons, 1. he grew up on America's leading koi fish farm. a koi fish basically meant home to him, strength, endurance, and patience. and 2. he wanted a "souvenir" of his trip to Japan. while he was in Japan, he discovered that back in the 1800's when men were put in jail they were tattooed...with something..... can't remember that part. BUT when they got out, they all went to the same man to get the tattoo covered up. i fell in love with this concept... permanently covering up the past. my past has been haunting me lately. so i needed a reminder that it's done... gone... forgiven. i'm a new person.

i'm now excited about this summer. i really thought it was going to suck. but i think, i'm finally coming into my own person... i don't feel so fake anymore.

i'm glad i for once took my daddies advice to pray that God would teach me what his voice sounds like to me.

every thing is going to be alright. ^_^