don't worry little bird

my mom and i spend many nights just talking for hours on life. i've been catching her up on everything. it's making me laugh that i was just wanting for the longest time for her to just be like a mature best friend, and now i'm just wanting her to tell me what i need to do. do i stay at UCF? do i leave? and all she says is "oh Kendall... God will show you..."

UGH! no! you tell me!!! haha...

i have 2 main reasons for why i don't want to take on the internship (that is, if they can even do it) at UCF. 1. i don't want to transfer starbucks stores. i love my store! i love the relationships i've built and the trust i have with those people. i love my manager, even though he is creepy haha... he's lost too. i'm discovering that that place IS my ministry. 2. how are they going to give me an internship when none of those things are appealing to me? how are you going to make one up for just loving people?

i'm just freaking out because people are throwing options at me and making me decide when i have no true idea where i'm going and what i'm doing. i'm just taking life one day at a time. just let me be people!

it's hard seeking "wise counsel" when all my counselers are biased. mom and dad understand where i am at, and they know me for me... so of course they encourage me to just be myself and find a church that fits me. yet David loves his church so of course he's going to push me to find a way to stay.

good freakin greif. i'm over it.

it's like i can see pros and cons to both sides. i stay at UCF and i'm challenged in truly being myself, reaching out to the people in my community; pushed outside of my comfort zone... learning to be patient and not complain.

but if i leave, i'll be challenged to go outside of my community and reach people. which is honestly what i feel is most biblical. yes, we need to be building eachother up in the church... but the church is supposed to be a body of believers. i'll be closer to home, i can stay at my starbucks and continue to work in those peoples lives. i'll be challenged to make sure i'm not becoming comfortable and stagnant.

gosh dangit, i'm just going to flip a coin.

but i'm happy :) i can tell something big is about to happen. i can just feel it. maybe i'm just excited for the break haha... but either way. something exciting is about to happen. i know the Holy Spirit will direct me and help me, if i let him.