vegan?

I've been reading this book called "Skinny Bitch" lately and it's quite convicted me of not only my eating habits in general but eating the stuff i thought WAS healthy. it's not that i have ANYTHING against eating meat. i actually like it. but! i didn't realize that 1. the stuff farmers were pumping in animals to keep them alive and 2. how they're treating the animals. all the stuff they pump in them I'm basically eating. yikes! they made a good point about how that's why a lot of Americans struggles losing weight. it's the same concept as when women go on birth control... all the hormones and chemicals screw with your body. so when we ingest all those fun chemicals via said chicken/cow/animal, they begin messing with our system.

long story short, it grossed me out... hard core style. like to the point meat doesn't even sound appetizing. though i will say I'll miss milk/cheese. but again they made yet another good point. Humans are the only mammal that continues to drink milk after being weaned. we're taught all growing up that we NEED calcium and that it helps us lose weight... but last i checked milk is basically liquid fat. milk is used to help speed the growth process of babies. no wonder it messes with us when we're older. it's a good thing i like soy milk :) plus milk kinda grosses me out when i think about it... mmm... cow juice...... so today was my first day attempting it. so far so good. it's been a little difficult, but i think i can do it. i mean it's not like i won't eat it if it's the only thing offered or i am at a friends house. meaning, I'm not going to be one of THOSE girls... those over the top vegan's that give people mean looks and refuse to even look at meat, and would rather starve than eat it (maybe that's why the book is called Skinny Bitch?). i mean honestly the way they say you should eat is practically impossible and highly expensive. they want you basically to cut out all animal products and then anything not organic. but ummm... yeah... a full time student trying to eat that way is basically impossible. BUT, i will do my best when i can. i feel like i haven't eaten a lot, but I'm not hungry, so i guess that's good. I've also started trying to drink A LOT more water than what i was.

it's not just an image thing. i honestly am not happy with the way i look, but it's more than just that... it's that i want to be healthy. obesity runs wild in my family, and i refuse to let it take over my life.

so, vegan? mostly.


oh, also...

pray for me if you happen to read this. i honestly have NO earthly idea if any of my friends read this... and that's ok... but if you happen to, would you please pray for me? I've got a pretty big decision to make. I've had to make this exact same decision before, and it's funny, the same instances are surrounding the situation as last time... but now that I'm a little older and wiser (at least, i hope I've become wiser), i want to make sure it's the right thing to do. i'm over hasty selfish decision making.

God, what do YOU want me to do?