85% good 15% bad

so how's about things are amazing.
1. clarification and honesty is amazing in relationships.
2. boldness for God's sake is the greatest and most terrifying high.
3. learning new things (long boarding) makes things interesting.
4. Growing up in Christ without even realizing it but then all of the sudden realizing it is refreshing and exciting.
5. making new amazing friendships makes my heart REALLY happy.

so yeah. i'm really very happy... but of course life just wouldn't be life without it's little things to get you frustrated... ie. my lack of physical fitness and my current state of living at home. i'm really just tired of being out of shape. i like eating healthy and taking care of myself, but because i haven't felt this way until most recently i'm trying to loose the little pudge that's stupid hard to get rid of. i just want to be in shape. that's really it. my goal is actually to get to what i hear some call a "runners high." i want to get to that point... but it's going to take a while. oh well, it'll be worth it when i get to it. then this whole living at home thing is starting to wear me thin again. i just stinkin need my space. need to be out on my own doin my own thing. and really, it's getting to the point where it'd make more sense for me to move out to the university area... my church is out there, my friends, and i can easily transfer work and school out that way. i just am realizing the amount of gas i'm having to keep spending money on is getting rediculous. i put half a tanks worth of gas in my car YESTERDAY, and just between driving to church and back and then driving 'round town doing errands and then driving back up to the university area to see friends and back, i used it up. but there is no way i can afford to move out there. it's not that i don't have the opportunity, it's that i don't have the funds. if i work full time i can afford it. even if i work at least 30 hours a week, i could... i'd be cuttin it a little close, but i could do it. but how am i supposed to work full time, do school full time and then ALSO have a social life AAAAND serve at church!? how does that work? seriously! i want to do it, i want to get out and finally just be my own person, but i just don't see how it's possible. i mean cause at this rate if it's costing me $50 bucks a tank for at least 4ish days... thats...... roughly $375 a month for just gas alone when normally i'd only pay around $200. but if i moved up there, i would pay less for gas, put less miles on my car which in turn keeps me from having to get my oil changed and put new tires on it and so on and so forth... plus i'd be closer to all that's important to me. the thing is, i'm not paying for anything really right now. i'm truly blessed in that my parents are paying for most of my stuff. but i don't really get to spend the money i make. it goes right into my account and then disappears as i pay for stuff... so it's not like i'm not already spending my money on things like gas and food and what not. dgifjd;ijdfgij;idfg...........

God, please, you say you'll give us the desires of our heart, and what my heart truly wants is your will, but this other want is getting tiring.

but back to good things... i can't focus on the bad too long or it begins to really REALLY get to me.

1. i'm amazed at this current situation i'm in....... it's exciting and i'm so thankful.

2. i witnessed to a dude today... it was so nerve racking, but i hope i made an impact on him for God. he was a young guy probably early to mid 20's. he was sitting at a corner asking for money... the sign read "need gas money to get back to asheville, please help." and something in me said "you should go talk to him." so i did. i ran into the book store and grabbed a copy of Crazy Love by Francis Chan to give to him and stuck a few bucks in there for gas money. then i went and talked to him. i just prayed a billion times over "God speak through me." and honestly, even though i'm not even sure i made sense, i know it was God speaking through me cause i had no idea what to say. i just went up to him and asked him why he was going to asheville, he told me it was home. i felt so bad for him. he supposedly has been stuck here for 3 days and no one will help him. :( i wish i could have given him like $200 to get him home. but i have no idea if that was just a scam or for real. either way, my point was to witness to him. so i just told him that i felt really compelled for some reason to talk to him and challenge him and his way of thinking. all i said was "i'm not going to stand here and preach at you because i'm sure you've had tons of people already do that and you've heard all the stories in the book, but i just want to challenge you in that if you don't already believe in God, to really rethink that, because i know for me, i can't help but look around me and not find the world itself and all of creation a good enough reason to believe." he told me he believed, so as i smiled i gave him the book and told him that i hope this book can encourage and challenge him in new ways. he told me he was extremely grateful and was excited to read the book... and as i drove off, i saw him already looking at it and reading it. :)

3. i've been wanting to learn how to long board for a really long time, and finally this past sunday my friend taught me and i picked it up pretty dang quick :) i was proud of myself, and now i'm REALLY wanting to buy one.

4. my sister and i were both serving on sunday so we were able to just sit and talk and catch up during second service. it was... very needed. i almost cried though... between a huge burden on my heart and the fact that my sister told me she was proud of me i almost lost it. i know my parents are proud of me, but i don't hear it enough, so any time someone close to me tells me, it seriously makes my day.

5. so i've made a whole slew of new friends through just one of my friends, and i kinda for a while felt like i was just the friend of a friend. so the original friend is gone on vacation, but i was still invited by multiple people to come hang out not only tonight but again friday ^_^ it meant a LOT to me. a whole lot. and i don't think they really realize it.

i'm happy and frustrated. i need more clarification and patience. i'm tired of living at home. it's to the point where i get really sad coming back home. i hate to admit that, but it's true. it's not that i have a bad relationship with my parents, that's not it at all... i just need my space.