young blood

please know that as i write the next bit that i mean no harm. that my heart is at peace and just wants to know truth. that I'm not asking these things out of defiance but just out of curiosity and the love of truth.

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the church has royally failed us. why is it that people who have been Christians almost their whole life still do not know why they are Christians? why is it that we don't know how to prove the truth of Christianity? the church should have taught us these things... but instead they've lost focus. they compete with one another. they no longer measure the greatness of the church by the way they are challenging people in their relationship with Christ but by the number of people attending. yet it's the churches that challenge people the most that are suffering the greatest.

We, i'm including myself in this one, are probably some of the most retched people i've ever met. if you just watch us, you'll see how crafty we've become. lying to those in authority because we can't handle the rules. being nice to people, and then the second their back is turned we chew them out. we don't stop and listen to peoples hearts, but watch their actions and are quick to judge each other. we don't have that right to judge others. no one does. if we could only just stop and hear through the words and see the heart, we would see something so much different. we have made things far more difficult than they need to be. we push our beliefs on others and make good people feel foolish. we keep our noses in the airs as if we are better than everyone else. we won't be friends with you, and heaven forbid we even THINK about dating you, if you don't agree with us. and if we do, it's only because we're trying to convert you... we don't really care about you.

i'm beginning to not trust what i've been taught anymore. it just doesn't make sense. could some one, anyone, please give me the answers to these questions... i just want to know truth...

why is it wrong to be homosexual? and don't give me that crap about "well, because the bible says so" because that only makes me question more. if God is love and tells us to love one another as we would want to be loved, then why would he turn right around and say that homosexuality is wrong? how do we know that that was meant just for that time? that maybe it was, sorry but i'm about to cross a line, unclean. that the way homosexuals have intercourse was just unclean during that time?

how do we know the Bible is actually 100% true? if the bible was written by man, and man is flawed, then how could the bible not have errors within it? and don't tell me that it was written by God, because it wasn't... it was INSPIRED by God. God doesn't have a body.

what is sin and what is just a bad decision? Jesus taught us many things about life. but what was it that he taught that was actual sin, and what was just him advising us against doing certain things. like we would try to tell a best friend not to do some things because we know that that action has sucky consequences.

what all encompasses sexual immorality? is it prostitution? sex? oral sex?

why is it so hard to be a Christian? if God wanted everyone to choose him, why did he make it so hard? some have told me that it's like a test... a test to see who truly loves him and wants to be his "children." but God knew what we would do... he knew what we would choose... why would he forsake us like that? and then as if almost to cover up his mistake he had to let his son... his own flesh and blood... the very essence of himself in the form of man... suffer unlike any other person of the face of this planet suffer just so that after all those hundreds of years, we could choose God again.

doesn't it all just seem so hopeless? we aren't even safe from sin in our own minds... i don't know about you, but i can't control my thoughts... no matter how hard i try. in fact the harder i try the more i think about it. i'll never be able to escape sin. i'll never be good enough. it just seems so deathly discouraging once you realize just how horrid you are in the eyes of God.

i don't doubt there's a God. all of this (galaxies, humanity, creation) truly couldn't have just come from nothing. it just doesn't make sense. i just don't know what to believe anymore. what is it that is really true, and not just something that i've been taught by the flawed church as i've grown up? churches take so many things out of context. i hate churches these days... part of me just doesn't want to go. but i need friends, i need time to worship God and be in community with people who some what believe what i believe. at least we all can agree on the fact that God exists.


grasping, reaching, trying, giving. trying to do anything for that spark. come back to me oh faith. come back to me oh young blood. let these actions prove my faith. if only i can act enough to restore this blood... for i know my actions prove my faith.





"An honest confession is good for the soul, but bad for the reputation."
- Thomas Dewar