i'm broken.
i feel like my heart has finally fallen into the pit of my heart to release old ghosts screaming lies in their hypnotic honey sweet voices. nothing about Christianity makes sense to me anymore. i'll never deny that there is a God, i just can't believe that the God of the Bible is true... meaning... when i read about God, i can't help but see the Biblical God as hypocritical and heartless. maybe i'm missing something... but my God is not like that... The God i've come to know and love is refreshing and creative and loving and merciful.
but when i read the Bible, my heart sinks and drowns. how depressing is it that not even in our thoughts we are free from sin? i can't control my thoughts, i'll never be free from sin... why did God make me us this way? why did He make it so that we would never be able to escape sin? why does he tell us to love, yet tell us not to love (i'm speaking in terms of homosexuality)? why has the church twisted so much of scripture?!
i'm burnt out... Christianity has left a nasty stale taste in my mouth and i get a sinking angry feeling at most if not all things Christian. i honestly can NOT handle it anymore........ i'm going mental.
i feel like i need to start over... start fresh... go back to the basics and try again.
Little Girl i Say to You, Get Up.
- Mark 5
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