so i finally figured out, or at least i think i did, what God has been trying to tell me. in my other blog i said that i felt like God was trying to tell me something, but i couldn't figure out what... here's what my blog said. "so God has been showing/telling me the same message over and over. really, about 5ish times he has presented this message to me. the message has been about how God doesn't just want to "patch up" the bad spots in our hearts. he wants to tear us down so that he can make us brand new and better than we were. if we don't let him tear us down and make us new, then we will still have those old ways in us and have sin in our heart... we have to let him make us the way he desires to make us. but we really have to let him. anyways... God has been showing me this message over and over, and i don't know why. maybe God's preparing me for something. maybe he's trying to tell me that he is going to tear me down? but i don't know for sure why he has been telling me this, over and over. but i do know that it is a gorgious day out, and time is flying, and i'm excited about those 2 facts. i'm so ready to go off to CIU that it hurts. yesterday i literally got so impatient that i had to just get away. i went and got some coffee and sat in the park and watched people and ducks and attempted to read my bible. i prayed and prayed... God is giving me patience. i just have to let Him help me. but like i said, it's amazing outside and i want to do my usual summer thing... iced coffee, bible, journal, park :)"
i think God was trying to tell me that what has happened in my recent past was something that needed to happen. sometimes God really does have to break you through very ouchy ways before He can make you who He wants you to be. i mean i highly doubt that God wanted me to go through all that i did, and wanted me to make those decisions... but sometimes, since we are human, God has to let things happen the way they do before He can truly make us into the person we need to be.
*God... i'm sorry for who i am... for who i was. i'm sorry that You had to break me... i'm sorry that it had to be done that way. i know it could have been done in another way, but i was stubborn and blind. i love you Lord... i'm sorry..... thank you.......*
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