i visited Center City Church tonight. and let me just preface all this by saying i was really nervous to visit. almost so nervous to the point of not wanting to go. but, i did. there was a part of me that was really humble and open to everyone, but at the same time i had my usual wall up... giving the whole experience the stiff arm in a sense. because after all, it only takes falling down once to show you it hurts, a lot.
we all got to David (the pastor) and his wife's house tonight and hung out for about an hour and then we started the meeting by praying together for one of our good friends. i was trying so hard to be open and willing to hear what David had to say, but i just couldn't help but put everything he said into question. as he began sharing with us all that God has been teaching him over the past 4 months, i couldn't help but find myself relating so dearly to where his heart is at. and then, before i knew it, he was quoting my favorite passage in the bible, Matthew 6:26. and that is when i broke down. i've been crying a lot lately, and i'm ok with that. i'm very weak right now. i feel like a new born baby in a sense, very much alive and well, but weak and needing others to care for me and listen to me cry. after he finished, i found myself truly excited for them and for what God was doing through them. i really only had one question at the end of it all, and that was, how are you guys doing church differently? you keep saying you're doing it differently, but what does that mean? what does that look like? sound like? and before i knew it, i got it. it all suddenly made sense. and it's hard to put into words how they're doing things differently because it's completely different from EVERY OTHER CHURCH i've visited, ever, period. they are simply loving God with EVERYTHING they have, and in return it is making them into the most tender, genuine, and loving people i've ever met. i've never felt so free to be myself around them. they seem to get me, which is a weird feeling to experience. i'm so used to loving on people, i'm not sure how to feel about them loving on me. i'm used to being ran over and used. i must have cried 3 or 4 times tonight. i'm simply amazed by these people and how very Christian they are. and that is intense for me to say. i rarely want to call people Christians, but i feel in my own eyes that they are very much so Christ like and that they also very much are a great example of what church is supposed to look like. they aren't a show, they aren't lights or sounds or a website or just an idea... they are a group of people loving God and loving others the best way they can. they are literally doing church. they are trying their best to show others the freedom they have found in Christ. and that love and passion is horribly contagious. not say they're perfect, because i am sure without a shadow of a doubt, in some way shape or form they will mess up, and that is ok. because my joy is not found in them, my joy is found in Christ. but i cannot help but be excited to see what Christ is doing in all of this. i don't know if this is where God is calling me... it seems highly likely that this is where i'll end up. but that is only me saying that because they have a very similar heart as i do. but, i want God's will. i'm tired of forcing my own will into my life. it just doesn't fit.
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