right... about that...

i need to go to sleep soon, but just wanted to write real quick...

so how's about Kendall likes making big deals out of, well, nothing. i don't get it. i prayed to God that he would help me find a church where there was a strong community and opportunities to serve (specifically in high school ministry) and a list of other things... i honestly didn't expect God to actually lead me to one. I'm quite shocked and humbled and thankful. it wasn't that i doubted Him, i just know how He works with me. it's usually either a very long process or he does the opposite, which always works out better. but i think because i was so shocked, i freaked out. i just don't want to make a hasty decision and jump from one church to another. also, i don't want to just leave the problem. as much as i love running from my problems and ignoring them, I'm learning that i REALLY can't. it hurts others and myself. so i stuck around for about 2 months, praying, trying to get involved, being optimistic... my close friends even went and confronted the pastors, but none of them had good answers. things just aren't going to change... and quite frankly, i never REALLY felt like it was home for me. I'm praying this time will be different. the thing is, i know that i grew there; that i met people there who challenged me and allowed me to open up to them in ways I've never been able to open up to ANY ONE before. I'm so thankful for that, but i feel my time is over... this season (if you want to call it that) is over. and, I'm OK with that. i feel peaceful, yet nervous. starting over is never easy.

I'm so thankful for my life right now... I'm just praying that God will continue to challenge me, but help me to find joy in him... even in that hard times.

i want to learn how to be a better encouragement to people who are struggling. i want to learn how to better share my faith with others. i want to learn how to be patient. i want to learn how to stand up for myself and be confident in who i am no matter what. i want to learn how to better communicate.