basically....i'm growing up.

so our internet has been acting lame lately, hence the lack of posts. i'm tired right now, which could lead to irrational thinking, but i'm trying to just relax and not think so much. though it sucks because i have a LOT on my mind...

1. school just started. i'm nervous. i've not done so hot... well... ever. but i'm ready to try again. i really want to do well. i'm just nervous that this feeling will go away and i'll loose motivation... like i always do :/

2. I. a lot is happening this summer. first of all, it's the last summer before my friend Aaron goes off to college. then "the 4" will officially be all apart for a very long time. it could potentially be the end of us. and one of my really close girlfriends has mentioned moving so this could also be the last summer we have together.
II. i turn 20. that's... a weird feeling. possibly (hopefully) the last summer living at home. i'd like to move out by 21... ok so maybe i'll have 2 more summers.
anyhow.
II. there's an internship available for me to go and do in west virginia helping lead up some mission trips. it would be an amazing growing experience for me... spiritually, maturity wise, independence... it would definitely help me to grow up a lot. then there's the whole thing about how i'm finally making AMAZING friends. i love my church and i want to be here to get involved and be with my amazing friends and family. most of my reasons for staying here this summer are selfish. i kinda... maybe... think i should go. i just second guess myself A LOT and i HAAAAATE missing out on stuff.

3. i'm finally content being single. no really. like. seriously. i'm happy and i love it. i don't know what finally clicked, but it did. and i'm happy.

4. i've just all of the sudden found myself growing up a lot. though i guess it makes a LOT of sense. i've been reading my bible a lot. this new year i decided my new years resolution was to just do better. to stop slacking and going "man i know i should do ___" and just shut up and do it. if i see myself slacking, to smack myself and just do better. i know i'll have my bad days, but that's normal. but if i just try to do my best, then i know that i can't be too disappointed with myself.

5. everyone has been talking about elections a lot to me. and i honestly have NO idea if i will even vote. i know i should care more. but i just... well, frankly, hate politics.

basically, whether i like it or not, i'm growing up.