my thoughts seem scattered...

so.

i accidentally ground my coffee too fine for my french press... this could be interesting...

in other news.

i've been talking to my parents a lot about moving out. it blows my mind just how differently my father and i communicate. he doesn't understand the fact i think out load a lot. i haven't really decided anything yet, nor do i really have the opportunities that i want.

right now this is my lame(ish?) situation:

i have approximately 2 classes left until i get my Associates degree at cpcc. i'll be done next semester. as far as SEBC goes (the bible college i'm at), i have such mixed feelings about being there. it's a mix of i'm really struggling to learn there, and i just don't like it! haha... i just do not learn the way most schools teach. i'm a very hands on person when it comes to learning. for example, it hasn't been too terribley difficult for me to learn mandolin because i can actually physically do it. nor was throwing pottery (not literrally... lol... it's the term you use when you make pottery on the wheel). but i dare you to lecture at me and see if i learn anything. i can't just sit and take notes and learn that way.......hmmm..... i wonder if that's why i have a hard time learning in church sometimes...... it's not that i don't want to learn about apologetics, it's just so difficult for me to learn that way. so i had considered just finishing up degree at cpcc just for the sake of having it and then quitting sebc. i mean why not finish when i'm this close. but i really wasn't sure i wanted to go back to sebc. the thing is, is i continue to feel a tug on my heart to be involved deeply in ministry in some way/shape/form. i know God has given me a passion for the arts... music and photography especially. so this is where i've come. i crave so badly to move out completely on my own. to have my own place and be able to decorate it and have people over and rescue a puppy dog... but that's all just physical wants... i love my parents deeply. i trust them and look up to them, but i'm ready. i'm ready to take that next step in my life. i feel so young and immature and unwise when i'm living at home....... but i know that's just my own perception of how my parents see me. i know they're proud of me... they tell me that a lot. so here's what all this non-sense comes down to. a good friend of mine, Michele, is letting me stay in her spare room for a little bit a month until i can afford to move out on my own. but, i think i'll just stay for the weekends. my parents actually are truly amazing. after quite a few talks about it all, not bad, just not, great? i dunno... they were just kind of tense cause they're blunt with me about life and such. but! today i got talking to my mom about it all again and we were laughing about some stuff and then she said... so your father and i were talking about this last night (oh gosh... never a good way to start a sentence...) and we decided that if you will just hold off a little bit longer, then we will meet you half way with your expenses and help you slowly get to where you can fully pay for it all yourself. :) it hasn't sunk in yet... but, i'll wait... :) i'll wait for that.

but seriously...


i hate school.





i need a mentor, and to work out more, and learn self-control and how to control my thoughts and how to trust and...yeah...