so i've come to the conclusion that Kyle and i shouldn't be together. the more i got to know him, the more i saw that he wasn't right for me. i need him to be more of a spiritual leader in our relationship. i have told him that, but he doesn't understand, and i don't know how to tell him what it is. i wish i could change him, i wish i could make him into a completely sold out Christian. it's not that i doubt his faith, it's just that i don't see him seeking after Christ... and he's not encouraging me like i need him to. i'm losing focus and not spending time like i used to with christ... i miss that... i miss journaling and reading and all of that. i don't blame him for taking that away, because i know he didn't. i just allowed myself to focus on him, and not Christ. i have no hard feelings against Kyle and i have no regrets about the relationship we had. it just sucks, because i know that it will be hard to go back to being friends, if not impossible... so i essentially feel like i'm losing one of my best friends. maybe with time things will work out... maybe with time God will make him into the God fearing man i desire in my life.......... but for now..... i wait and hope. i will always love him, and i will always hope the best for him...... i just hope he doesn't hate me.
and i wish i could stop crying..........
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